Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Airtel - Accursed Buggers

I can totally imagine how Rishis of yesteryear were trigger-happy when it came to curses. If any of the rishis had had a chat with these Airtel muppets that I have had for the past 3 hours, the entire Airtel organization might have been converted to Turtles or some such.

To cut a long story short, Airtel screwed me over. They basically told me I had used 12GB of broadband in the 10 days during which I had logged multiple complaints stating that my broadband was not working. They told me that their measuring device COULD NOT be wrong and I could rhythmically collide my head with a hard surface to see if that would make me feel better. I tried. It didn't.

The issue is not that Airtel took some money from me. (Those of you who know me will know that far less accomplished foes have taken money from me) The issue is not even that my broadband speed is going to be poor for the next 3 weeks. I am from India, we entrepreneurs have always seen worse. The issue is that I have wasted an entire day on this. The issue is that I will go to bed feeling bad that I let myself get fingered by these buggers again.  The issue is that my brain is not wired well enough to say "Dont talk to this call-center person. Buy broadband for 1000 bucks more this month. If you dont waste the next two hours talking to them. You can create more value than 1000 bucks."

I am still more the Yossarian from Catch-22 who says the immortal line "Oh, it doesn’t really upset me. What does upset me, though, is that they think I’m a sucker. They think that they’re smart, and that the rest of us are dumb". The longer conversation can be seen here (go on, read it.). I feel so aggrieved at being screwed over that it gets to me. Not the being screwed over monetarily part. But the vague feeling that this person screwing me over thinks he/she has all the answers; that gets to me.  

I am learning. Next time I will quit sooner. May be I will become savvy enough to set aside 2000 bucks a month in a bid to retain my productive hours. May be I will one day become mature enough to shrug this off without a humongous unfunny blog post. I am just afraid that when that level of maturity comes around - either I will no longer have the capability to actually create something new; or I would have had to become numb in order to build another cocoon around myself.

Already abject poverty barely moves me. Nor does government apathy. If I add Corporate arrogance to this list, I will soon have to worry about becoming overly dispassionate.

The only hope is that Karma catches up with these guys. May be 2G scam was just that. Perhaps I should say a silent thanks to the King for that.

The longer, more boring part of the Airtel saga

I have had issues with Airtel Broadband for 2 months now. The latest set of skirmishes started on the 4th of November when I had lodged a complaint. No one turned up for 2 days. When contacted again, the electronic voice said "Your complaint is still open. It will be resolved by 5th of November". This message was on on November 6th. Thankfully, service Engineer came and 'fixed' our broadband issue.

Within the next 24 hours, our broadband conked again; and we complained again the next day, this time on Nov 9th. After the same cycle, this issue was 'resolved' on Nov 13th. Out of curiosity, we asked the service engineer how to check our usage levels. Turns out we could, and the stat said that we had consumed 80% of our 15GB limit already. This usage cycle started on Nov 5th. Awesome.

By this time, I might have become an irate customer. But I was still some distance from the let-me-murder-someone-now-in-the-off-chance-that-he/she-might-have-something-to-do-with-Airtel state that I find myself in right about now. The next 2 hours of phone conversations took me there.

Airtel billing arrogance kicked in at about this time. The first dame that I spoke to asked me to check my usage statistic with the official Airtel site. Our conversation went somewhat like this.

Me: I have an issue with the broadband consumption statistic.
Airtel person: Whats the problem, Sir?
Me: I narrate the whole story.
AP: Go to Airtel.in. Go to my account and check usage statistic.
Me: It says server down
AP: I can do nothing about this.
Me: I am not worried about what the stat will tell me. I am contesting the claim that we have used 80% of our usage limit
AP: You will be able to see how you have used 12GB if the report is there
Me: Is there a chance that the total usage will add to less than 12GB?
AP (huh): We have to see that.
Me (now slowly losing it): Is there a chance?! If the overall number says 12GB, then the individual components should add up to the same?
AP: The total will add up to 12 GB, Sir. But you can see how you have used 12GB.
Me: I HAVE NOT USED 12GB. How can I complain?
AP (more patronisingly): You have to check the usage levels through the website. This will tell you how your usage has been
Me: If I have to complain, whom do I speak to?
AP: Once you check, you can complain
Me: Assume I have checked. It adds up. Can you tell me whom I have to speak to

Call gets transferred. Repeat on loop two more times. The accursed buggers at Airtel have been programmed to not even acknowledge the possibility that there is an explanation beyond the customer being wrong about his usage. The senior person told me that the Modem would measure ONLY what has been used and send that to the Airtel server and I would be convinced after I saw my usage levels.

Airtel broadband has failed more than 5 times in 2 months now. Every time, they have fixed it only after the second call. Every time their server has said that the call will be fixed on a date that has gone by. The Airtel service-men who came by did not even know how I could check my usage stats. Airtel can commit ALL of these errors as mistakes can happen anywhere. However, their billing system CANNOT be wrong. Apparently, they have done some process to demonstrate that their billing is infallible. And so, I can check my usage levels if I so choose to, but they cannot be wrong.

The level of arrogance and the patronizing air these guys have is phenomenal.

Still, these guys should know that you cannot con your customers endlessly. The higher they seem perched, the harder they fall. This is why, for all its flaws when 2G scam unfolded, and ALL of us could see it for the perversity it was; not one person felt really sorry for the existing players who had been screwed over. We all felt, at some level, that the select few Corporates that paid the price probably had it coming. Certainly, Airtel did. In fact, I wish that some other scamster screws them over with 4G or 4.5G again. I, for one, wont feel bad if the company bites the dust and goes to zero.

I am still waiting for the day when one large corporate in the company starts treating its customers well.



Thursday, August 8, 2013

Online platform - What the hell is this?

I get a call once a fortnight from someone or other hawking an online platform. You know, the kind where you can have a single integrated platform for all your stuff. The discussion goes roughly like this

Sales person: We have an online platform that you can use
Me: What does it do?
SP: You can transition your entire teaching online
Me: What does it do?
SP: It is a single platform that can host your content, tests, videos, etc
Me: What does it do?....

This goes on for a while. Then slowly, I realize that said salesperson does not get sarcasm and I need to do better. So, I ask a few questions

Me: Will you come to my classroom and shoot videos?
SP: No, we provide a platform for hosting
Me: Will you edit and make my content online-ready
SP: The platform can host any type of content. (To be interpreted as NO)
Me: How much will it cost me?
SP: We can work on royalty model or revenue-sharing model.
Me (finally losing patience): Please send me proposal (that I can send to recycle bin) (mental note to self: Rajesh, you idiot. There is no such thing called as online platform. When will you learn?)

I can post questions on a blog, I can post videos on youtube and link it to my website and blog, I run a test series that has gazillion tests, in gazillion formats (Test series can be picked up from google for free). I can link all of these to my website at the cost of Rs. 0 per month paid over 1000 months. I need an online platform like I need a bullet to my head.

The content provider gives the content, youtube provides hosting services, blogs and test series are available for free. Now, if there is a value in putting all these together and packaging it well, online platforms might be able to justify the existence of the term, if they demonstrate this well.

Online platform is just a phrase used because it is perhaps trickier to say "I would like to enter into a revenue sharing or lease model with you. I bring nothing to the table". 

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Jiah Khan suicide, sympathy and all that

One should not speak without sympathy for the suicide-committer and all that. And honestly, I am not against any outpouring of grief. People have sympathy to spare, let them distribute it however they please. But this whole Ms Jiah Khan brouhaha is making a mockery of the idea of a sense of perspective.

Watched some bits of random TV yesterday where some great anchor was saying that this latest episode was again clearly telling us how tough an industry Bollywood is. I nearly fell off my chair laughing. Lets be honest here, if alpha from Chennai had been a jilted lover who commits suicide, its newsprint for 2 days tops. Just because this dame is from Bollywood, these anchors should not talk nonsense. And this Jiah Khan issue crossed nonsense some time ago.

There are hajaar farmers who commit suicide every year, but we never hear that 'agriculture is a tough industry to be in'. Bus drivers, vegetable cart-pullers, the vast humanity of India employed in the unorganized sector take serious risk with every day aspects of their life that most of us white-collar types cannot even begin to appreciate. I do not want to sound like a shrill left-winger, but this fetish for sympathising with famous people is becoming indecent. First we had the Sanjay Dutt-has-been-a-model-citizen bulcr*p. Now, it  is poor heroines of Bollywood.

Bollywood is a winner-take-all industry. Winner-take-all industries are tough. Winner-take-all industries generate lots of losers. If you cannot take that, you should have not chosen the industry. It is ok to sympathize with the losers. It grates when people begin sympathizing for the winners. "Poor Shah Rukh Khan, what kind of pressure he must be under" just sounds indecent.

Jiah Khan, may she rest in peace. And be a lesson for all dames who are willing to fall head over heels in love with despicable characters. But thats about it really. Women have done this for long, and will probably do it for much longer.