The world of Tam-brahm students

Have you met someone who is reasonably tall, fair, with a reasonable build (sometimes frail, but never well-built), a tikka on the forehead, and a self-righteous expression on their faces in your college premises? If you still haven’t placed this species called Tambrahmo Sapien, I will describe further characteristics of this species.

The members of this species perform well academically, are generally religious, are sought after for their views, have an opinion on most things under the sun while simultaneously being non-judgmental, and frequently wear an "I have not been given my due by this world" expression on their faces. They are also consciously self-effacing (aka painfully modest) about their achievements (generally academic)

The members of this species have a strong desire to be with fellow species' members though they are socially 'accepted' in other groups as well. When 2 Tam Brahms meet, they discuss a third, when 3 meet they discuss other species' members, when more than 3 meet, they discuss topics like 'Changes in socio-cultural patterns of urban India fuelling prosperity in rural India' or 'the inherent fallacies in the parliamentary democracy system' with their collective decibel levels of discussion varying in direct proportion to the proximity of non-tam-Brahms, especially those possessing XY chromosome. A lone tambrahm has this brooding intellectual look about him giving an impression that he is trying to mentally divide 233 by 17 while he is actually benchmarking himself vis-à-vis other tambrahms and later on with other homo sapiens as well. This is a favorite pastime of the Tam Brahms.

They are fiercely competitive but are repulsed by the notion of relative benchmarking and frequently proclaim (with a sigh of relief) that they are glad that they didn’t get sucked into this rat race. That the tam-brahm knows the re-evaluated score in the second cycle test of the little known character with whom he has spoken to exactly twice before in his life is pure coincidence.

When tambrahms are locked in conversation, they laugh at jokes like 'Even if you win the rat race you are still a rat' and 'statistics are like Bikini, they show a lot but not what you want to see' but only so much a smile politely at sardar jokes or gujju accent jokes. Not that they mean ill to surds or gujjus, it is just that they have a far more refined taste than that.

They also revel in the knowledge of their own refined taste in art or literary forms and consciously move towards 'better' books rather than wasting time in mundane 'pulp' fiction. They are wont to make statements like 'yeah, I used to read Sidney Sheldon when I was in class IX and X. I don’t know why but I used to like them a lot. Sheldon is pure pulp. You read 3 and you can write the 4th. Now, I am glad that I have graduated to Ayn Rand, PG Wodehouse and The Economist'. All this to a poor soul who has just told him that he liked a Sheldon novel that he had read the previous night. After a pause, the tambrahm follows his speech up with "yeah, I read that book and liked it too. Typical, but ok. If you are a Sheldon fan, it’s a great book". The well-kept secret of Tam Brahms is the fact the Tam brahm himself struggled his way through 985 pages of 'Atlas Shrugged' precisely for deriving the satisfaction of making the above statements.

Now, where is the catch? What is it that this species lacks? They are academically good (some are 'gifted'), socially accepted everywhere, well-sought after for their views on everything, adored by even the girls, are considered smart and sincere, are on the right side of ethics and teacher's favorites.

Wait a second; God isn’t all that kind to anybody. These guys have their share of problems too. In most cases, they are too good for themselves. When it comes to academics, their parochial attitude keeps them on the edge; in sports, upbringing and dietary constraints kill them; in social life, their pseudo-intellectualism does them in, but their biggest problem lies with their performance with girls. They generally get slotted into 'Oh, he is a deeeeeaaaar friend' or 'I can always count on him for a chat after I have had a tough day with my boyfriend(s)', or in really rare and sad cases 'If only I had met him earlier'.

There is also a bunch of lads who slot into the between n and n+1 category, but more on that later.